Something that God has been writing on my heart recently is that limited time does not limit love. I have spent the last weeks reflecting on the last moments of time that I had with the World Race group here. I ventured to Mindo with them to go camping and canyoning and spent my birthday with them at the hot springs in Papallacta. I had the time to know them and learn how they were growing into the character of Christ. I learned from the experiences that they had been through that were vastly different from my own. In short: we shared relationship because we grew from each other, laughed with each other, and loved each other with God’s love. Now they have gone, and the world feels a little bit more still, and a little bit more empty without them in this space. It felt so final to watch them drive away, like the solemn period that marks the word ‘goodbye’. In reality it was anything but final because we can continue to love each other despite the space between us. You can show great love to someone just by praying for them or by sending a kind message.
Now another group has arrived, and has affirmed this message for me but in a new light. God’s love has been shown radically through them in their depth of connection in such a short time. It took less than two days for me to be sitting with Nathan while we shared our testimonies for two hours and sat praying over each other. It took less than four days for me to start planning my visit to see Esther in Atlanta. It took less than a week for me to be filled by the love of such an incredible collection of disciples for Christ. Even though I have had so little time with them, this does not limit the love that we give—and that is God moving; that is them putting in the effort to build relationships rather than keeping to themselves.
We can not love with the love of God while thinking first and foremost of our own desires. God’s love is sacrificial, and He has been teaching me so much about the importance of sacrificing my time for the benefit of others, or to simply be present with others. It is often unnatural to me and I want to resist it, but God knows each of my needs far better than I do. I need people, and fellowship. We all do. And so it must come first. I recognized this on my birthday. It was the first one without my parents. The first without my dearest friends. The first without my church community, and frankly, the first deep pang of homesickness that I had felt in the duration of my gap year. I spent it with loving people here; but still found myself in a room swallowing the lump in my throat, refusing to cry while on the phone with my parents. It was one of the loneliest days I have had here; and I am so thankful for it. What God taught me in that moment was such a great act of love because He taught me empathy. A couple of other girls in the safe house had birthdays around the same time as me and we held a birthday party for them. It was bittersweet because they appreciated everything given to them but I still found them with sad looks and tear-stained cheeks by the end of the night. I sat down with one of them and she told me how difficult it was to not be with her family. My situation is not in any way the same as hers, but I could relate to that sadness that she was feeling in being so far from home on a special day. In that moment I was reminded of Psalm 34:18 that says “God is near to the broken-hearted and saves those crushed in spirit.” Even in my moments of loneliness, or grief, or rejection--I can not escape the presence of my God. The creator of the universe sits beside me. Even with His comfort, it is important for me to recognize how I have taken for granted the people who have sat beside me all of my life.
I am honestly horrible at keeping in contact with the people I love. In this way I am not loving them well; I am not prioritizing our relationship over my to-do list. So I want to say I’m sorry. I am sorry to all the people that I have left behind at home and neglected our relationship. I am guilty of it with every person that I am close to. You are deserving of more commitment and intentionality in our relationship and I am working to grow better at making time for what matters most. I am so grateful for you. So grateful, because I have been blessed with so many deep and healthy relationships that encourage me in my faith consistently; I want the girls to have the same in Dunamis.
As I have only two weeks left working in the foundation, my only goal is to give the girls every ounce of God’s love that I can within my limited time. They receive every minute of my time and attention that they need. They get tight hugs every chance I have the opportunity to give them one. They get to laugh with me in english class and they get to experience every special event that I can help to plan for them. I want them to know just how beloved each one of them is as a perfect creation from God. I want them to know that they will always be held close in my heart regardless of the space between us, because our limited months together does not limit how I will continue to love them fiercely.
I have recognized during my time with these groups and with my girls, just how much I have lacked that deep connection during this year; trading it in for superficial relationships that are easier to walk away from. I have lived in a spirit of fear that didn’t want to feel the hurt of walking away from such beloved people in my heart. I wanted to guard myself from loving the girls too deeply for this fear, but I have actually been freed in letting myself love fully. In recognizing that God’s love goes with them wherever they go, and will be shown through others in my absence, I do not fear goodbye, or the pain that comes with it. Similarly with the group now here, I am striving to connect deeply because it is such a privilege to know this group of Christians so on fire for the Lord. I will not allow my love to be limited because of a period of time that is. I will love without condition.
Highlights:
Going to Baños with Mckelvey and doing some extreme sports!!
One of the girls in the foundation getting to go home to a healthy family environment
Having a goodbye party for the world race girls
Having a worship night of celebration and dancing with the volunteers and girls in the safe house
Going to hike a bit of the Cotopaxi Volcano with Frank and Cris and their baby Elia
Prayer Requests:
For the current volunteers to continue having a heart posture for whatever the Lord wants them to receive
For God’s provision in the midst of unexpected expenses as I am finishing up my gap year
Prayer of thanks for each girl that God has brought to Dunamis to learn about His love
Prayer of thanks for the fellowship that I have experienced with the people God has blessed me with here
And to whoever is reading this, I love you.
Con Cariño,
Sara